I'm quitting...

Today, I am quitting my job as a professional musician and officially becoming a social influencer. It’s a decision that took me quite a long 2 min to decide. Those 2 min changed my life by doing nothing for me.

Simply having no integrity, no heart, no originality, and the desire to whore myself on a daily basis has been a life long goal and it’s time for me to start living that dream.

In doing so I have also decided to stop practicing, achieving, challenging, working, teaching, performing, growing, and learning as a scrupulous human being.

Therefore from today on I will be known strictly as “C2”. Refer to me as “C2” at all times. When you say my name online make sure you tag me and drop the hashtag “C2”. I will always order my coffee as “C2”. I will only get my coffee from a boutique coffee house that takes orders 2.5 months in advance because they slow drip their coffee through 12 layers of drift wood harvested from the Dead Sea , and then through danish pastry crumbs and kale bars, and finally through their own employee’s personalities.

As an influencer I will either be videotaped wearing a bikini or getting my sweat on at the gym. I will then get my grub on and post about how I found the ultimate smoothie drink that includes 6 meals in one and tastes like dirty air.

Finally, my videos will contain music that I compose using other peoples music but call this music my own. It will only consist of two measures. It will always stay diatonic, use the same chords that instill the desire to kill myself with a spoon drenched in Starbucks coffee. It will have a melody that never moves more than a semi-tone or whole tone up or down. It will last no more than 30 seconds. ALL of this music will be achieved by a copy and paste method I call “who gives a shit because it’s 30 seconds of music no one cares about” technique.

And lastly…

All of this will be sponsored by companies willing to use my life as bitcoin value in order to hook me up with a signature coffee drink at Dunkin Donuts. The drink will be called “C2 It”. As millions of followers follow me, they will also follow my followers and in the end we will all follow each other and live happily ever after….

Or, maybe live together in hell. It’s hard to tell the difference anymore. - C2